You really coming over, don't trick.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
