How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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