so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
