So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
