so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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