Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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