Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
