are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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