i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
