I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
