It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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