I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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