i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
