She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
