Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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