You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
COCAINE IS GR8
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
