Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
