no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
