____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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