I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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