Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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