Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
