I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
