Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
