I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
