Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
