I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
