my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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