oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize