One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
