I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
