Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
