Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
