I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
