operation harelip BJ is a go
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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