this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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