Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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