Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
