You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
