Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
