does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
