you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We are two peas in an std pod
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
