UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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