Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
