You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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