so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
