Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
