So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
