never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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