she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
