Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
