i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
there is glitter all over my balls
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
