So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
