Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
