I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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