I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
