I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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