Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
