you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
