I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
