My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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