It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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