We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
